pregnancy is not easy for me. the hormones make me crazy, the weight gain and gait change are very hard on my already compromised body, and the physical and emotional demands of creating life push me to the very edge of my facility.
and for a host of additional reasons, this pregnancy was particularly traumatizing. it began with the gloom of a marriage falling apart, coupled with fear of being a single parent, and a lingering doubt that i would even be capable of loving another child. and as those nine months progressed, all of the above seemed to fall deeper and deeper into despondency (i mean, shit, this whole blog has been a tale of irremediable woe).
and then it wasn't.
i don't even really know how or why or even what happened. it just wasn't anymore.
my marriage turned a corner into brighter light. i can't say for certain that it will work out in the end, but things are not only working right now, they are good. my husband even bought me a new engagement ring to replace the one we had to return to his mother, and depending on the health of our relationship over the next few months, a new wedding band will be forthcoming.
my company made my last several weeks of pregnancy bearable by giving me a great deal of flexibility to work from home and take it easy at the office. we hired a nanny to start a few weeks before i'm scheduled to return to work. this never-ending winter is finally starting to break. and two days ago, i gave birth to the most perfect little man i could ever have imagined...a little man i have fallen head over heels in love with.
life is back where mine is meant to be...on the upside. and i mean to keep it here. i have too much to be grateful for...and grateful is how i choose to live my life.
~k
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