i have moments that i can't shake the feeling that i'm really not supposed to be here. i mean, how in the fuck did i end up someone's wife, someone's mother...in a suburban mcmansion? in these moments, i think about packing just what will fit in my car and running as far and as fast as i can.
i. seriously. think. about. fleeing. a. family. i. created.
what kind of horrible person am i?
~k
24 June 2013
16 June 2013
the road not taken
when i met my husband, i was mending a broken heart and moving from los angeles to washington, dc. i had taken and passed the foreign service test, and was sooooo excited with the prospect of being the global citizen i'd dreamed of being. i thought i was going to be a part of making the world a better place, one diplomatic effort at a time.
my only concern was missing my baby window. more than anything else in the whole entire world, i wanted a baby. and i was 35, single, no prospects for love, and hearing every single tic and toc of my biological clock.
so when i met my husband and he offered me the opportunity to be mommy, i didn't even stop to consider how giving up all the rest would impact me in the long run. and here i am, three years later, living in a city-ish with terrible weather in the middle of america. i have my insta-family, but none of the adventure and world-changing i thought would define professional me.
and every single day, i ask "what if". and as much as i love my beautiful baby girl, i can't help but wonder if i was meant to take the road less traveled and let fear steer me astray.
~k
my only concern was missing my baby window. more than anything else in the whole entire world, i wanted a baby. and i was 35, single, no prospects for love, and hearing every single tic and toc of my biological clock.
so when i met my husband and he offered me the opportunity to be mommy, i didn't even stop to consider how giving up all the rest would impact me in the long run. and here i am, three years later, living in a city-ish with terrible weather in the middle of america. i have my insta-family, but none of the adventure and world-changing i thought would define professional me.
and every single day, i ask "what if". and as much as i love my beautiful baby girl, i can't help but wonder if i was meant to take the road less traveled and let fear steer me astray.
~k
14 June 2013
where to begin
this is my second attempt at a blog. though it was at another time and place in my life, my first blog was one of my greater successes...until it wasn't anymore. i lost my voice. probably because i lost my way. i chose a path in life i didn't see coming, and once on the way, wasn't sure i'd chosen wisely. honestly, i'm still not sure. but i'm here and i'm here to stay. so this is the beginning of my journey from acceptance to appreciation and hopefully to love.
one blog post at a time...
~k
one blog post at a time...
~k
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