being pregnant is pretty much the worst. i am sick and tired, and sick and tired of being sick and tired. i have no energy to deal with work, with my husband, and barely any energy left for my beautiful daughter. and as much as i really did want to make this marriage work...there's just no way.
my husband has been with me to see my shrink the last two sessions, because even though i said before that it had to end, i still can't help but feel like i owe it to my kid(s) to give them the family they deserve. but i can't give them a family if i'm a miserable, hateful, sad woman. they deserve better than that. tonight, my husband had to leave the appointment early, to pick up baby, and after he left, the shrink said that she doesn't think he even understands how to consider anyone else's feelings...and that he will have to learn before he can fulfill my needs...and that would take a lot of time and patience on my part.
but i have no patience to give to someone who needs to learn how to consider others' feelings. i mean, what the fuck kind of human being can get into his 30's and not understand that others have feelings that matter? and what kind of person waits around to teach the unteachable and suffers while he figures it out...IF he can even figure it out?
not me. i'm way too selfish for that. and my self is already dying on the vine, and i don't have any additional time or energy to devote to what seems like a total lost cause.
~k
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